1. One to deny that the light bulb needs to be changed
2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed.
3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb.
4. One to tell the nations of the world that they are either for changing the light bulb or they are for darkness.
5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid/cost-plus contract to Halliburton for the new light bulb.
6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a stepladder under the banner: “Light Bulb Change Accomplished.”
7. One administration insider to resign and write a book documenting in detail how Bush was literally in the dark.
8. One to viciously smear #7.
9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush has had a strong light bulb changing policy all along.
10. One to represent the “Light Bulb Twisters for Truth and Justice” in their claim that Thomas Edison was actually out of the country when the light bulb was invented, and that he was in fact a cowardly traitor, incapable of twisting, let alone inventing a light bulb.
11. One to create new tax breaks for the manufacturer of the light bulb to move its factories overseas.
12. One to suggest that layed-off American light bulb makers train their foreign replacements.
13. One to change the name of “ light bulb†to “Devine-Light Bulb From Aboveâ€.
14. One to create a Constitutional Amendment banning “gays†from screwing bulbs.
15. One to promote the “trickle down light†theory, where poor people get scraps of light from bulbs exclusively screwed by the rich.
16. One to say, “We would not comment on, confirm, or deny, any elements of our light bulb changing procedures in the interest of maintaining the operational security and integrity of said procedures, if in fact those procedures exist.”
17. One to pray for the soul of the dead light bulb and to remind us that we must choose a Christian light bulb as a replacement.
18. One to make the right-wing pundit panel TV talk show rounds with the claim that the light bulb did not burn out on its own, but was in fact sabotaged by Al Gore in an attempt to slow global warming – a clear act of terrorism in league with Al Qaeda and Iran.
19. One to say, “We cannot answer the question because of there is an on going investigation into why the light bulb is out.”
20. One to look at a videotape of the old light bulb, and say, “I’m an electrician, and I can tell that the light bulb is not out. The light bulb is still on, and glowing.”
21. One to convene a special emergency session of Congress to intervene on behalf of the still-in-socket light bulb, in order to get the courts involved with preventing anyone from removing the light bulb from its electricity supply.
22. One to announce that the ladder used to screw in the light bulb is now called the “freedom ladder”.
23. One to proclaim that we’re changing light bulbs over there so we don’t have to change them here.
24. One to say, “I do not recall a light bulb.”
And there’s these quotes about the light-bulb situation:
George Bush: “That information is covered under Executive Privilege.”
Dick Cheney: “We will be welcomed as light-bulb liberators.”
Rudy Guilliani: “I changed a light bulb on 9/11.”
John McCain: “My entire campaign staff has either quit or been fired, so I sit in the dark a lot.”
Mitt Romney: “I was pro-change before I was pro-light, but then I changed my mind.”
Larry Craig: “My wide stance won’t allow me to stand on that stool to change the bulb.”
But regardless of the number of Republicans that get involved, the excuses mount, and the light bulb never gets changed. They’re just waiting for someone else to take over and change it for them.
Regards,
Jim
Andy Hailey