Bad Deeds for 12-17-2009

 

Senate Unveils CompromiseCareâ„¢ – The United States Senate today unveiled details of its health care plan, tentatively called CompromiseCareâ„¢:

· Under CompromiseCare™, people with no coverage will be allowed to keep their current plan.

· Medicare will be extended to 55-year-olds as soon as they turn 65.

· You will have access to cheap Canadian drugs if you live in Canada.

· States whose names contain vowels will be allowed to opt out of the plan.

· You get to choose which doctor you cannot afford to see.

· You will not have to be pre-certified to qualify for cremation.

· A patient will be considered “pre-existing” if he or she already exists.

· You’ll be free to choose between medications and heating fuel.

· Patients can access quality health care if they can prove their name is “Lieberman.”

· You will be entitled to natural remedies, such as death.

 

How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love My Health Insurance 😉 – By David Parker

Last week, I got a letter from George. George is a regional vice president of individual sales for my health insurance provider. Every time I look at George’s mechanically reproduced signature, I’m reminded that insurance companies are people, too.

George is one of the most honest people who has ever sent me a form letter. First, he told me that he understands that I have a choice in health coverage. George is man enough to admit that even after all we’ve been through together — the bills, the notices of rate increases, the other bills — I could walk out of his life without a moment’s notice.

George also said he recognizes that health care costs are important to me. This was both accurate and intuitive: I do care about my health care costs but I’ve never told George. He just knew.

Then, George thanked me for being a member of his family. We’re not technically related but George loves me like a son. Or maybe a brother. I’m not sure how old George is.

Finally, George let me know that my health insurance premium is being raised for the third time in less than three years. He didn’t explain why the cost of my insurance has gone up 42 percent since 2007. He’s a proud man and he doesn’t want me to know how tough things are for him right now.

I felt terrible. We’re in a recession, stock in George’s company is only up 13 percent this year and all I could think about was myself. I’m just glad that I can share a bit of my good fortune with my friend George.

I like giving money to George and his friends in the health insurance business because they respect my intelligence. For example, they’re always telling me that I’m smarter than the government, that I know how to spend my money more wisely than the government does, all this nice stuff.

It’s true. If I give my money to the government, they’re just going to spend it on buying health insurance for a bunch of people I don’t know. When I give my money to George and his friends, on the other hand, I know they’re going to use it to buy things that will help grow the economy, like boats and summer houses and pet horses. Knowing that my escalating premiums are rebuilding our economy makes me feel good.

 

Regards,

Jim